I raced against time... but I lost.

i played the last game of the year. had so much to think. it hurts actually. i had been thru so mcuh these times and netball has always been by my side. whatever bad happens, dispatches, whatever la. when my heart hurts. when its excruciating. i just want to play netball to dissolve the heart straining matters. with the comfy company of netballers, i will be able to enter into fantasy with ease.

yes i know training turns my stomach so much. but it wears time out. faster than anything. but i get affected when im off mood (most of the time) i get shit for training. maybe ms tan was right when she scolded me. i was very lazy and still am. cant play well cant perform. the thought of the possibilities of becoming a GD puts me off instantaneously. it nails me down. i will do my best for the team. i guess i have to be prepared for next year's success. by the looks of it. if the team is confirming my darling shu hui, then ok la. coach wont be so silly. she knows i may be very good WD (coz i chiong and knock pple down) but may not be a good GD.

im officially invited to go for U21s this time, by the open team captain. i really am dying to go. coz its mid field they are lacking. argh! but i have much more responsibilites now. my A's. my family. my friends. i dont know what to do.

im really dishevelled. aimless half the time. what the hell am i doing. wake up xian. its really time to wake up. i have to stop spinning in circles, spiralling just dust. no tangible achievements. goodness