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School: Anglo Chinese Junior College
Birthday: 2nd March 1988
Bleah
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Tagboard
Thursday, September 29, 2005
i have never been so scared for an exam before... maths is something i really need to pass now.. lit is scaring me terribly.. its really hard for me.. especially when my language is not at all outstanding. econs, i cant rem what i studied. i can collect my thoughts at all.. i dont know where am i heading to.. im very worried.. im very worried.
Monday, September 26, 2005
we should forgive and not care about what wrongs whatsoever and pull everyone together.. no more sorrys.. no more sorrys.. i know how there's much hurt within the family.. but i think we should forgive and and bring strength to the family altogether... its only this last stretch.. only this last stretch.. help each other to finish this race..
Sunday, September 25, 2005
family? what happen to ohana? why keep everything from me? till yesterday i find out one by one? chare? you are supposed to stay with the family? what do you mean drifted away from us? will you happy if you know im upset and i hide it from you? fang? whats the meaning of saying "im ok" and then God made you send the wrong msg to me? didnt you feel tat better when you voice it out? gf? i didnt expect this from you.. the blog entry was refering to me? you lied to me? i really dont get as hurt when chare or fang implodes coz i know they are trying to change (i suppose) but i never thought you would too? i thought you would voice out every inch of unhappiness to me.. why did i hear it from someone else that you are upset with me?! i thought you would understand..
guys, fang told me herself i got 3 people on the implode list. you 3 are all i have now you know that? you guys are trying to kill me.. you know who just left? you people please be honest with me, let me feel your presence? am i asking alot from you guys? tell me what exactly helps? coz i really dont wish to hear everyone in the family is sad? fang im still affected at how you emphasize the "whole day" when you were pin pointing at my time management? if you people dont tell me yourself, dont expect me to know and do something about it? tell me, im not hard to turn to am i? i need you guys to talk to me.. gf, talk to me. be with me. feel so hurt that your sad with me.. you mean so much to me.. so much it hurts so bad when your sad.. gosh im sorry...
guys, fang told me herself i got 3 people on the implode list. you 3 are all i have now you know that? you guys are trying to kill me.. you know who just left? you people please be honest with me, let me feel your presence? am i asking alot from you guys? tell me what exactly helps? coz i really dont wish to hear everyone in the family is sad? fang im still affected at how you emphasize the "whole day" when you were pin pointing at my time management? if you people dont tell me yourself, dont expect me to know and do something about it? tell me, im not hard to turn to am i? i need you guys to talk to me.. gf, talk to me. be with me. feel so hurt that your sad with me.. you mean so much to me.. so much it hurts so bad when your sad.. gosh im sorry...
Thursday, September 22, 2005
good day? NO... i feel like im in the midst of a thunder storm now. desperately finding for a shelter or something. i also feel that i cant write what i really feel like saying. because the school dosent provide appropriate atmosphere. really having a rocky ride in life right now.. im really trying to focus on something.. i always think i am all right, but i when i search deep down inside my tattered heart, i found out how uncomfortable and scared i am. i really feel very weak now.. i have to learn the ropes man. time doesnt even allow me to register whatever that im feeling. feel as though im in two contrasting situations at the same freaking time. im like reluctantly dragging my feet on reality, but holding on to the idealistic thoughts with my teeth tightly grit. "words and performances are no kin together". if you get what i mean. i am living someone else's life. sometimes i feel like im the third person in my life. not sure if i am rational actually.
my eyes are heavily weighed down by gravity. i undoubtedly think that i have not got enough sleep. i really hope i can act what i feel, but when i get the chance to do so, i find that either i chickened out, or my mind emptied out its initial suggestions instantaneously.
i miss counter strike quite a bit. i find that all kinds of video games have one special requirement. the games must be played in pairs or more. even those one player games like fable or jade of empire, i need at least one companion. if not, the games reverse its effects (make you more bored) . it makes me sad too because it put futher emphasis on the fact that im alone. dont you think? well at least in my contect it does.
have i told you? i should have ended school at 1150 today? firstly, due to honours' night, we officially end school at 1350 to allow preparation time for the school tonight. my lit teacher, ms tan got held up in something for the entire week, so we were devoid of a precious lit lesson at 1150. i have free periods all the way to 1430 normally, so ya, school SUPPOSEDLY ends at 1150. however, our dear mr sam ng wants PW at 1350.. so 1430 is the let of time..
my eyes are heavily weighed down by gravity. i undoubtedly think that i have not got enough sleep. i really hope i can act what i feel, but when i get the chance to do so, i find that either i chickened out, or my mind emptied out its initial suggestions instantaneously.
i miss counter strike quite a bit. i find that all kinds of video games have one special requirement. the games must be played in pairs or more. even those one player games like fable or jade of empire, i need at least one companion. if not, the games reverse its effects (make you more bored) . it makes me sad too because it put futher emphasis on the fact that im alone. dont you think? well at least in my contect it does.
have i told you? i should have ended school at 1150 today? firstly, due to honours' night, we officially end school at 1350 to allow preparation time for the school tonight. my lit teacher, ms tan got held up in something for the entire week, so we were devoid of a precious lit lesson at 1150. i have free periods all the way to 1430 normally, so ya, school SUPPOSEDLY ends at 1150. however, our dear mr sam ng wants PW at 1350.. so 1430 is the let of time..
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
goodness gracious.. up till now im still sick.. its been 2 and a hlf week already and im stil coughing like a sick baby, and stil acquiring the sexy voice man... haha
im quite looking forward to the colours award presentation this friday. its my first time wearing a blazer! many commented that i look too smart for the blazer. maybe i have been too bubbly or spontaneous thats why. but oh wells...
im wondering if i can get nationals colours award.. coz i want to wear the blazer again man.. hee.. i really like blazer alot.. last time, i was thinking if im not too tied down by netball i will join band or something. coz i get to wear blazer every time i perform.. i think people with blazers are totally hot man.. ok im crapping again..
im just trying to relieve stress and getting used to life without gerry around. didnt handle it well the past two days.. ended up crying in school whenever i see fang or something.. im just too pampered i guess.. and grown to be too dependent on gerry..
exams are getting into me i think.. my family (fang, gf, chare and gerry) are studying hard. im not slacking already, but they kinda stressing me out a lil. im trying to take step by step formula to encounter this promos, but im like antsy about the large amount of work uncovered. im trying not to finish what i need to finish, but finish what i can. i hope i will be comfortable enough by the time exams start. i hope i will be entrenched with studies and block unhappiness away!!
im quite looking forward to the colours award presentation this friday. its my first time wearing a blazer! many commented that i look too smart for the blazer. maybe i have been too bubbly or spontaneous thats why. but oh wells...
im wondering if i can get nationals colours award.. coz i want to wear the blazer again man.. hee.. i really like blazer alot.. last time, i was thinking if im not too tied down by netball i will join band or something. coz i get to wear blazer every time i perform.. i think people with blazers are totally hot man.. ok im crapping again..
im just trying to relieve stress and getting used to life without gerry around. didnt handle it well the past two days.. ended up crying in school whenever i see fang or something.. im just too pampered i guess.. and grown to be too dependent on gerry..
exams are getting into me i think.. my family (fang, gf, chare and gerry) are studying hard. im not slacking already, but they kinda stressing me out a lil. im trying to take step by step formula to encounter this promos, but im like antsy about the large amount of work uncovered. im trying not to finish what i need to finish, but finish what i can. i hope i will be comfortable enough by the time exams start. i hope i will be entrenched with studies and block unhappiness away!!
Monday, September 19, 2005
been a lil thrown off lately. gerry left. and i hate it all. but what can i do? i hope i will concentrate on my studies, and go thru these 3 or 3 and a half weeks. then i can start breaking down and go crazy or something. but i cannot i need these 3 weeks to get crazy and break down before i adapt to reality. i dont want to have sleepless nights. i cant go on having the headache for weeks. my body is giving up. fang said body is temple of god. im trying, i am really trying to stop it from crumbling.
shann, you were really cute and sweet last night.. glad to have known you so quickly.. i love you babe.. call me up! shann please distract me more, by studying with me or something.. your free now right? call now....
shann, you were really cute and sweet last night.. glad to have known you so quickly.. i love you babe.. call me up! shann please distract me more, by studying with me or something.. your free now right? call now....