I raced against time... but I lost.

good day? NO... i feel like im in the midst of a thunder storm now. desperately finding for a shelter or something. i also feel that i cant write what i really feel like saying. because the school dosent provide appropriate atmosphere. really having a rocky ride in life right now.. im really trying to focus on something.. i always think i am all right, but i when i search deep down inside my tattered heart, i found out how uncomfortable and scared i am. i really feel very weak now.. i have to learn the ropes man. time doesnt even allow me to register whatever that im feeling. feel as though im in two contrasting situations at the same freaking time. im like reluctantly dragging my feet on reality, but holding on to the idealistic thoughts with my teeth tightly grit. "words and performances are no kin together". if you get what i mean. i am living someone else's life. sometimes i feel like im the third person in my life. not sure if i am rational actually.

my eyes are heavily weighed down by gravity. i undoubtedly think that i have not got enough sleep. i really hope i can act what i feel, but when i get the chance to do so, i find that either i chickened out, or my mind emptied out its initial suggestions instantaneously.

i miss counter strike quite a bit. i find that all kinds of video games have one special requirement. the games must be played in pairs or more. even those one player games like fable or jade of empire, i need at least one companion. if not, the games reverse its effects (make you more bored) . it makes me sad too because it put futher emphasis on the fact that im alone. dont you think? well at least in my contect it does.

have i told you? i should have ended school at 1150 today? firstly, due to honours' night, we officially end school at 1350 to allow preparation time for the school tonight. my lit teacher, ms tan got held up in something for the entire week, so we were devoid of a precious lit lesson at 1150. i have free periods all the way to 1430 normally, so ya, school SUPPOSEDLY ends at 1150. however, our dear mr sam ng wants PW at 1350.. so 1430 is the let of time..